Weekend Writing Warriors 7/20/14 #WeWriMa

This week’s snippet is from from a WIP novella, Dark Paradise. Set in the early 60′s, it’s about the relationship between two teens, good girl Celly and reformed bad boy Duke.

Last week, Celly’s friend Mona came over to try to convince her to go to the county fair. This excerpt picks up where that one left off.

Everything is always so easy for Mona. How can Celly explain that she doesn’t want to go, another stupid night that everyone pretends is important with all the flirting and Ferris wheel rides and forgotten tears, only Celly is pretty convinced no one else is pretending, that the annual county fair really is all that matters. It sets a tone for life that terrifies her.


“Hank’s gonna be there.” Hank is a recent graduate from their high school, and Mona’s been angling for him all summer. “He said he was looking forward to me being there. You gotta go too, Cel; I can’t meet up with him alone.” Drama creeps into her voice.

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  1. Great inner thoughts and lets the reader know Celly wants so much more than what is offered in her town. Love Mona’s whining for Celly to join her for moral support. Now will she be a good friend and go to the fair? I love the line: “Drama creeps into her voice.” Perfect. :)

  2. In honesty, I was a little confused by what was the snippet because it felt like an introduction to what you would post. The first paragraph would go great on the back cover of a book. That would grab my attention and say, “Read me.”


  3. Great insight into Celly’s personality and her conflict with her little world. I love the last line too, it says just about all you need to know about these teenagers and the all important business of flirting.

  4. ‘flirting and Ferris wheel rides and forgotten tears’— nice alliteration. The piece as a whole caught my attention and drew me in. Though I can’t imagine not wanting to go to the fair. (Mind you, I missed out on my county fair, which is this weekend, this year as I lacked the funds. And felt it would never beat the year when I showed an ewe lamb and got a third place ribbon which I’m proud of even though there were only three entries in that class.)

  5. Teen drama queen is not good enough for Celly. I’m anxious to see what happens next, ED.

  6. I got a little lost on the sentence about people pretending about the Fair and Celly but when I read the other comments a big lightbulb came on for me and I got it! She wants more out of life! Ah! I’m sure if I’d had the context and knew more about Celly I would have understood right away. I enjoyed the excerpt and would definitely want to read more of the story!

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