This week continues with the story from last week, “Not My Thing,” which will be released as a free short ebook by Evolved Publishing either later this month or early April.
Jeff is a drummer out on his first major tour, playing small clubs across the Midwest, but he’s come down with a bad case of writer’s (musician’s?) block and can’t get the songs to come out right.
Last week he met a girl in an alley after a show. It was a bit awkward.
A smile twitches across her lip. The vodka has begun flowing through Jeff’s veins, tamping his inhibitions; he feels encouraged to keep talking to her, but he can’t think of anything clever or funny to say, and he hates using the whole band thing as a pick-up line.
“So…” she says, hugging her arms around her body and shivering just a bit.
“Want my jacket?”
“I don’t have cooties.” Who even says that anymore? She’s going to leave; he’s sure of it.
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There’s a charm to this, E.D.You drew me right into the scene.
Such real life awkward dialog, loved it! Fun snippet…
Love “cooties.” To me, his use of a kid’s word shows his vulnerability. Great dialogue in this scene.
I’m with Sandra. I like the use of “cooties”, followed by his self-doubt and perhaps, a bit of self-scolding. Nicely done!
Oh, he is bringing it on! Nicely done. Of course she won’t leave.
Hah! Cooties! Not too smooth, but kind of funny in his awkwardness. She could choose to be charmed by it, is he’s lucky.
Great dialog! Hope you pick this up next week, I want to see more of Jeff.
His awkwardness is endearing, very real.
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