Hut at the commune farm – perfect for napping in
For January’s Weekend Writing Warrior posts, it’ll be random excerpts from random stories.
Today’s is from “Farm,” set at a commune place I visited on a trip to India a couple years ago.
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Finally they come to a clearing surrounded by six willowy pines surrounding a lone one in the center where the manager gestures for them to sit on the benches scattered around or on the pine needles blanketing the floor.
Once everyone is settled, he nods and says, “Close your eyes, listen to the forest, breathe in the scents on the wind – become one with yourself.”
Seated cross-legged beneath one of the pines, Sonia does as instructed. She’s greeted by a warm wind, swishing branches, freshly-turned dirt, and an overwhelming desire to take a nap. She lies back in the bed of needles, her scarf as a pillow, and closes her eyes.
She opens them a moment later to find she’s still in the clearing but no one else is. Startled that she’s lost her group, that she’s overslept, she tenses, about to jump up and leave.
A voice stops her and says, “Stay.”
* * * * * * * * * *
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Ooh, I LIKE it. Such a peaceful scene and then – she’s alone, with someone telling her to stay. Terrific excerpt!
The zinger at the end came as a pleasant surprise — for us, at least. Not for your heroine.
What a hook! I’m thinking a dozen different possibilities, and some of them aren’t good. Well done!
I’m not sure it was nice to let her sleep. I wonder who’s there when she woke? Nice mystery!