I started a new temp job last week, an assignment that’ll probably last until August (unless I find something full time before then). Not only does the work have a nice variety, but the place is super laid back. On Thursday, I was told to bring a book with me because the next day would probably be slow, and we could read if there was no work to be done. Instead of reading the whole time, I started on a story that I’ve been wanting to write for awhile, but the details just came together this week.
|photo from School for Champions|
It’s a twist on a Greek myth, with the female main character relating it years later to the male main character. In this chunk, she’s just met him and noticed his unusual eyes – blue, when everyone else’s are brown. At this point, she’s annoyed by him because she perceives him to be yet another self-absorbed hero looking to marry a princess.
“My adopted father says they’re a gift from the gods, marking me as their favorite,” you said as you grinned at me, as if expecting me to be impressed by this claim.
I nodded curtly, turned to my father. “The sun is tiring. May I return to the palace?”
“Of course. We need you well-rested for tonight’s feast.”
As I turned my horse, I noticed the brief crestfallen look on your face and smiled to myself. Even after so much time has passed, I still take great pride and pleasure in being one of the few women ever able to reject your advances.
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Now you can say you’re getting paid to write ;) Nice little dialogue.
Being able to write while on the clock is definitely more lucrative than token payments for short stories. :D
Enjoyed the dialog, yup, always satisfying to surprise the guy all the girls fall for! Terrific snippet!
A twisted Greek myth! :) Cool, anxious to see more. I get a kick out of her still being proud of deflating his sails.
In the last sentence, I think you meant “pleasure” instead of “please”.
Thanks for catching that!
I like it — what a terrific character voice, and a terrific idea for a narrative!
This sounds unique! I like her pride, but wonder if she had it thrown back into her face in coming years.
I love Greek mythology! A bit confused, is she the sun? Or was she referring to Apollo and his fiery steeds getting tired?
I meant it as being in the sun is tiring, but I might change it to a reference to Apollo, seeing as he’s a character later in the story.
Is Orion involved, or just the constellation?
Nice excerpt. I can feel her amusement.
This is a great setup for what could be a very dynamic relationship (I’m a little smug on her behalf ;). I hope you’ll share more next week!
A strong empowered woman and Greek mythology. Just my sort of thing. Great excerpt and her voice is coming through well
There’s a lot of atmosphere in these 8 sentences. You’ve built the scene strongly. Great extract
Yay for working at a place where you can write on a slow day!
I like the tone of this, but I think it’s intriguing and unusual that you’ve made it first person POV with a second person narrative device – the princess is ‘I’ and the love interest is ‘you’. (Might be odder for female readers.)
Thanks for sharing!
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