This is the last official Six Sentence Sunday, through the official website. However, I like the idea of this and plan to continue, even if no one else is playing along.
This week’s six come from a story I’ve been working on for awhile, about an American guy working in France who falls in love with a crazy French girl and reflects on their relationship as he’s heading back to the States.
Daniel’s train at the Avignon station arrives and he boards, finding a seat in a crowded car towards the rear. A petite older woman plops down next to him. He ignores her as studiously as she ignores him although he wants her to ask him how he’s doing, to notice his crushed heart and sympathize over the details, not to pull out a novel as if he’s not dying inside next to her.
He turns to the window as outside the station falls away. He’s hit by a sudden impulse to jump off the train before it accelerates too much, to find Mira, to ignore his soon-to-expire visa and spend the rest of his life with her in his adopted country. Instead, he closes his eyes and lets the train pull him away from her.
Post a link to your six sentences blog entry, or join the fun at the Six Sentence Sunday website.
Smooth, ED! You do characterization so well. You’ve also got a firm grip on “showing” in the right spots. I’ve got you bookmarked, so you’ll be seeing me once a week :D
:-( So sad. Excellent job at painting the picture of his emotions. I could see him sitting right there. . .
What a heartbreaking moment. I could easily visualize him sitting there. In a way this scene reminds me of Before Sunrise, one of my favorite movies. :)
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