Another six from my NaNoWriMo novel (more about NaNo to come later this week).
Eric is eating lunch at a sidewalk cafe when Mariella walks into the street – and oncoming traffic. He leaps up and pushes her out of the way. They crash to the pavement, with her landing on top of him.
The woman stays on him for a brief moment and Eric focuses on how her body feels against his; the contours of her legs through her skirt, the warmth of her cheek beside his, and he wants to kiss her.
She pulls herself up from him, brushing herself off.
Eric scrambles to his feet. He wants to ask her if she’s okay, if she’s single, if she’ll offer him a kiss in thanks, but instead he says, “What were you thinking, walking into traffic like that? You could’ve been hurt.”
She turns to him, piercing him with an icy gray stare and says, “I’m fine, thank you for asking.”
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Seems realistic to me! I really like “He wants to ask her if she’s okay, if she’s single, if she’ll offer him a kiss in thanks” –that’s great, it shows he really is concerned but also attracted.
Only one suggestion: rather than have him say “you could’ve been hurt”, it seems more likely he’d say “you could’ve been killed” or “you almost got killed.” That’s minor but it stood out for me.
Hope you post more of this next week :)
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